he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize