Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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