eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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