True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
