Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
