every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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