you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Randomize
