she was so not down for the gang bang
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
