i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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