i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
