I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
