my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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