I checked into jail on foursquare
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
