bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
