I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize