A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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