also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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