we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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