I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
