Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
