what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
