In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
