thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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