everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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