I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
