I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
