Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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