all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
