So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
