So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
