he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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