I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize