Apparently you make a good broom.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
