actually, I'm a sock model
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize