He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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