Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
