Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pants are for mortals
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
