On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
