i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
