When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
