Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize