I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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