Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
