Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
