so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
