so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
