So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
