dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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