3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
