sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
