Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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