can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
