True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
