I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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