eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
