The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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