we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
