I wish I could teleport
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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