I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize