Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
