my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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