Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
