You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
