You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
