Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize