Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
