ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
