Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
