Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
