Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
